Jharkhand Traffic Rules (pun unintended)

Without frills, here is what I have observed of Ranchi traffic:

1. On an average, narrow road, there will rarely be at least one and usually all of the following:

a. Innumerable pot-holes
b. Iron rods that used to be part of a railway track protruding in the middle of the road to slash your car's tyres.
c. An auto-rickshaw parked smack in the middle of the road
d. 2-3 people peeing rather conspicuously
e. A cop (details in point 4)
f. A group of Deeghambar (nudist) Jainis.
g. Formation of 4 lane-drives by rickshaw-pullers so that you have to trudge along behind them.



2. People hang their clothes out to dry on circles that stand in the middle of the busiest crossings in the town, usually with a statue enclosed within them. I have seen towels, baby cloth diapers, shirts and so on hanging over dried, brittle flowers put a few millennia around some idol's neck. The show-stealer was a battered pair of underwear left to dry on the statue's outstretched arm.



3. As a vehicle-owner in Ranchi, you have the following rights:

a. You may drive anywhere. People WILL stop for you. (more of this in point 5)

b. You may park anywhere. You are the public. You own all public property. Moreover, if somebody has parked on the road and is obstructing traffic, it is your right to double park at the same spot, as long as you leave just an inch short of enough space for the next car to move ahead.

c. You can spit out tobacco or paan or anything you may be eating out of your window, while driving, without concerning yourself with who may be driving right behind you on a scooter or in a car, with the windows rolled down.

d. If you own a two-wheeler, no traffic rules apply for you. You don't have to consider one-ways, red-lights, no u-turns, indicators given by vehicles in front of you or even dividers- yeah, that's right, just jump over them.



4. Traffic cops in Ranchi have very well-defined job descriptions. If you are a male cop, you will spend your time alternatively mauling your crotch and digging your nose out. Cops have been known to do both. You will glance casually at people driving past you on the wrong side or without helmets and so on. We understand that the job can be tedious and draining and it is completely natural for you to disappear without any explanations, while the crowd goes berserk.

If you are a female cop, congratulations. It means you have been selected from among the multitude of women who are so clever they stand right in the middle of the road while attempting to dictate traffic. We know you are utterly helpless at managing people, which is why you have been recruited. There are a few passengers who try to caution the driver about the cop stopping the traffic from their end. To which, the standard reply s "Ladies police hai."

There, you have been given a satisfactory explanation.


5. Finally, in a place with similar traffic conditions, one would expect countless accidents, brawls, and arguments. But not Jharkhand. See, despite nobody caring about anything but getting from point A to point B conveniently- occasionally stopping at points C and D for vegetables or other errands- each driver understands that the others think along the exact same lines. Therefore, nobody would mind if you cut across in front of them from the wrong side or if you stop the car suddenly in the middle of the road to take a call. It is ALL ALLright.

Jai Jharkhand!